Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Read All About It! Worst Mom Ever Falls Down And Goes Boom.


I never flinch when one of my beloved offspring declares me the “Worst Mom Ever,” because to be honest, they don’t know the half of it.

C’mon. It’s not that I’m deliberately “bad.” Indeed, the tears I’ve shed, the books I’ve read, and the committees I head, I think, all give testimony to my devotion to “good” parenting.

There are times, though, with seemingly little effort -- ba-dow! – I squarely reclaim the title.

Take, for example, when the kids are sick or hurt. Let me be clear, in instances like those, I’d always gladly, desperately, prefer to take their places and bear their pains. Still, there’s something perversely satisfying, after deciding the situation calls for a professional, in hearing a doctor announce, “It’s strep.” Or, “Yes, Ms. Wiles, it looks like he needs stitches.” Or, “Hmm. I think we need to see a specialist.”

At moments like those, it’s all I can do to suppress my true feelings, which run along the lines of, “Yes! I knew it! I knew we needed to go to the doctor! I knew this was a real medical situation! I was right!”

Not exactly banner parenting. Far from it. Still it’s not just the kids who are subject to this “I was right!” behavior. I do it to myself.

Yesterday, Son and I went for a run. (OK. His was a “run,” and let’s just say that mine was something less.) At the last minute, we decided to take Josie, the high-strung rescue dog, so she could “unstring” a bit.

She loved it. Loved, loved, loved it. Son ran (far) ahead of us. As I trudged – and Josie cantored -- through our first mile (have I mentioned that my 30th high school reunion is in fewer than four weeks?), a bicyclist pedaled up behind us. Josie (have I mentioned that she’s high-strung?) got spooked. Mid-stride, I tripped, and then, flipped over her, landing on my palms, my knees, my top lip and my left elbow.

As my nephew would say, “Crap! With an S-H.”

I reckon that would be “shap.”

I finished the run, er, trudge, with a split lip, blackened and blued palms, bloodied and gravel-embedded knees, and a keen pain in my elbow.

Returning from his three-mile sprint, Son hardly noticed. “You need a towel,” he noted. “You’re sweating a lot.”

When we returned home, Son played video games, I began dinner (grilled sausage and grits, asparagus in lemon and butter sauce), and Josie? She ran away.

Three hours later, Son recovered her, and by then, my elbow was really bothering me. I tossed and turned all night. Should I go to the doctor? Won’t he just tell me I’m old? What if he says it’s just a bruise? Still, after a sleepless night, I made the call.


Doc found nothing broken. Yes, I was injured, but there was nothing to garner real sympathy. All I could really tell people was that I fell down and went boom.  Still, Doc sent me on to the orthopedist, just to be sure, who, praise the Lord, took x-rays from a slightly different angle, allowing me to now triumphantly say, “I have a fractured elbow! I knew it!”

Shap. I'm still a mom, though, which means someone's about to pose the dreaded "What's for dinner" question.  Time for Plan B.

So tonight, instead of grilled salmon, it’s delivery pizza. Well, that, Celebrex, hydrocodone and this light little radish salad.

Of course the kids don't like radishes.  Yet another way for me to regain the title, "Worst Mom Ever."

Radish & Chive Salad
This refreshing and crisp salad is super simple -- no real measuring required!

One bunch of radishes, cleaned and sliced as thinly as possible
One small bunch of chives (bunch should be no heftier than your pinkie finger), minced
2-3 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar
Generous sprinkling (about 1/2 teaspoon) of kosher salt

Toss all ingredients together.  Chill about 30 minutes and serve.


9 comments:

Cam said...

Ow ow ow Cheri! I'm in pain just thinking about your fall. Of course my first thought was "But will her lip heal up before her reunion??"

Three summers ago I fell down our back steps while carrying a basket of dirty laundry. Boom boom boom all the way down on my tailbone. I could not believe how bad it hurt and how long it took to go away! And I was about to turn 50 so I was already feeling decrepit. Clearly you and I are not meant to do dangerous chores like dogwalking and laundry!

Really hope you feel better soon. And have a great time at your reunion!

Anonymous said...

I got a stress fracture in my foot earlier this year and all I could think was I have too much to do and too many people to take care of for this right now- and it really hurt. Everything hurts more after 45.
I hope you are all well again for the reunion!

ChampagneMaker said...

Awww Cheri! Bless your heart! That's what you get for being healthy and fit? SHAP! And I'm with Cam, your lip's not going to scar, right? You didn't mention that again, so I'm assuming it was not enough to change your RSVP for the reunion. The elbow, no cast right, just a sling? Gone by the reunion? Again, bless your heart!!!

ewright said...

I'm sad for you! It's going to be a long couple of weeks in a sling ... only thing worse would have been a cast!
Uncle Ed loves radishes ... I'm sure this salad will be a big hit.
Love you,
Mom

PalmettoGirl said...

Thanks for the many kind thoughts! Those -- and a combination of Celebrex and hydrocodone -- have me well on the way to recovery. And Jo is right -- there just NEVER a good time for something like this to happen! Still, I'm telling folks (mainly myself) that I'm a quick healer! My fat lip was nearly back to normal within 24 hours. (Now, though, I rather miss the Angelina Jolie look. If only it hadn't been so lopsided!)

SZM said...

oh man....feel better soon! And shap is my new favorite word! Thanks!

Chuck Jones said...

OK, this one is ripe with new fruit for my vocabulary. Shap is now my default expletive (even though I haven't even had an opportunity to use it yet). And unstring, well, is pure brilliance. Sorry about the fall...hope you heal quickly. Would you bring the radish and chive salad to book club in August (requests the non-reading, eating-only member)?

Chuck Jones said...

Oh, and one other thing. The morning we were leaving Charlotte to attend Aprill's #0-year reunion, our golden retriever, Stu (suffering from advanced bone cancer) had enough, attacked her and sent her to the emergency room for 10 stitches on her leg and 3 or 4 on her hand. We had to put him down that afternoon and then head out for the reunion. It was one of the worst days ever...

PalmettoGirl said...

I can absolutely bring Radish Salad to book club -- did I mention that it's got virtually zero calories? But please, keep your fingers crossed and say your prayers for me for the Reunion. I know I'm not woman enough to make it there, should I suffer a fate similar to Aprill's!